Today has been a mixed bag for me. I woke up to lovely flowers and cards from my husband. I spent some time this morning in our baby’s freshly finished nursery. This is my first Mother’s Day-one in which I am finally a mother. We have been anxiously awaiting the arrive of our long awaited blessing.

The build up to today this week has been different than in years past. I’ve had plenty to distract this week as we have been feverishly trying to get last minute things done before our baby arrives. But today, today I woke up and went into the nursery and sat. I soaked up the peace of that special room, praying my little blessing feels safe and at home in their room. Something I didn’t feel growing up. I cried at how calming the nursery is, happy tears-albeit, presumably pregnancy hormone tears (if you know, you know).

This day has been a struggle for me for many many years. I call what I deal with my struggle and strive. I strive each year to make the best of this day and simultaneously I struggle with the day and what it doesn’t mean for me and the woman who gave birth to me. But I will say this year feels different for me, because this year is kicking off my own motherhood. This kickstarts my opportunity to be the best mother possible for my own little one. I know I am going to make a lot of mistakes in parenthood-I am going to fail my little one at different points and I patently just don’t have all the answers. But what I can say for certain is this, I know what NOT to do based on how I was treated and raised…. and for me, that seems like a solid starting point. Just don’t do what was done to me and pray for guidance on how to give my little one a childhood they do not have to heal from.

So for those of us who both struggle with this day and strive to make the best of it, you did it! You survived the day. And I pray you had some things today that made your strive easier.